Parenting and unsolicited advice

It’s no secret that parenting is hard—objectively, relentlessly hard. The job description includes shaping human beings, nurturing souls, and ensuring they don’t grow up to be villains. At the same time, the stakes are high—failing big as a parent feels unthinkable, adding pressure to every single decision from bedtime routines to school choices.

Consider, for a moment, the landscape: the majority of adults you know are parents. I’ve got friends I used to play indie rock with in the darkest clubs in Rome, and over the past few years we went quite dramatically from talking Radiohead to swapping parenting hacks. And while your non-parent friends might not get the intricacies of sleep schedules or the trauma of losing the lovey, they too have plenty to say.

In this hyper-connected parenting village, every time you mention your child—whether it’s a casual anecdote, a quick Facebook status, or even a cryptic rant via Instagram story—you open the floodgates to a deluge of unsolicited recommendations. The moment your little one makes an appearance in conversation or online, you’re sure to get a “hot tip” on how to handle the situation “better.”

The unsolicited advice machine never sleeps. It starts with the birth announcement, keeps going through the early years—when a well-meaning relative insists that swaddling is outdated, even though it’s the only thing keeping you sane—and continues as your child grows. From potty training and sleep methods to screen time limits, there’s no shortage of opinions.

Yet, there’s a deeper, unspoken layer beneath all of this—a kind of social contract where everyone is rooting for you. This is a world where, despite the bombardment of advice, each person is secretly (and sometimes openly) pulling for you to raise your kids to be happy, healthy, and successful humans. Your village wants you to succeed, even if it sometimes comes wrapped in infuriating commentary.

Where is all this advice coming from? When you post about your child’s new trick or express frustration about the latest tantrum, everyone watching wants to share their wisdom. Why? Parenting, for all its uniqueness, is one of the few universally relatable experiences. We’ve all been children, after all. And for those who have been parents, the journey is so deeply personal that sharing it feels inevitable.

From your mum, who raised you with vintage parenting tips (“You never needed all this fancy baby gear!”), to your friend with the newborn who swears by organic everything, to the colleague who’s navigating teenage angst and pushing you to prepare for the inevitable—each of these voices stems from their own journey and their desire to contribute to yours.

The advice is usually well-meaning, born from love or at least a sense of responsibility. It’s rooted in the idea that parenting is too important to get wrong, and any insight might just make your journey smoother.

But that doesn’t make it any easier to digest. The flood of suggestions can feel overwhelming—especially when they contradict each other. One person swears by attachment parenting; another tells you to let them cry it out. The overload of input can make it feel like you’re never doing enough, even when you’re trying your hardest.

Nowhere is this phenomenon more amplified than on social media, where some of your family’s happiest moments might be on display for an audience eager to offer critique or praise. A simple Instagram post of your child’s first steps can trigger a comment thread that spirals into debates about baby footwear choices and early walking milestones. Social media, for all its connectivity, creates a platform where every parenting decision feels subject to public scrutiny.

Navigating this culture of “advice-on-demand” requires a certain finesse. What you post becomes an excuse for a conversation you’re not in the mood for, critique you were not expecting, and sometimes unsolicited praise (“Wow, you’re so brave for letting them eat that!”). The trick is learning how to filter through the noise—knowing when to smile and nod, and when to draw firm boundaries on the advice you’re willing to receive.

So, how do we reconcile this modern parenting dilemma—where everyone wants us to succeed but insists on giving us the roadmap to get there? The answer lies in understanding where our boundaries are, and treating ourselves with the necessary grace.

Grace for ourselves, because parenting is an evolving art, and perfection is a myth. Everyone makes mistakes, even if the perfect Instagram parents seem to have it all together. There’s power in knowing that even the best parents are figuring it out as they go along.

Boundaries with others, because while advice can be useful, we’re the only ones who truly know what’s right for our child. It’s okay to smile and politely disengage from an unwanted lecture about fatherhood, or to scroll past yet another article on “how to raise a genius.” Setting limits on how much external input we absorb is essential to keeping our sanity intact.

Finding this balance between openness and discernment is crucial. Cherish the fact that so many people want to see you thrive as a parent, but remember that at the end of the day, the only expert on your child’s needs is you.